Coffeeeeeie

Is coffee really my friend? It lifts me up when I'm down, which is most definitely a good friendlike characteristic. It jolts me awake when I'm tired, which is I suppose a good friend would do, but most likely would not, I hope, while I was still alive, actually use those electrical zapping paddles you always see in ER. In fact coffee leaves me in a perpetual state of fight or flight. Hrm the adrenaline rush of caffeine is really in fact like being constantly confronted by a big snarling hellbeast. I can feel my heart doing double time in my chest cavity.

Wooie.

Okay a mark on each side.

But look it comes in such nice yummy flavors, in fact to my mind everything but pickles compliments the taste of a good cup of joe. Which then only draws each of us more deeply into its evil clutches. Yes evil clutches. Okay I think I have come to a conclusion.

Coffee is evil. It maligns to ease us into dependency at our mother's knee; she who sips that sweet black cuppa is only another loss to that subtle addiction, and how can it be false if the pap you suckle says it is not? Coffee might not have a conscious but its malevolent PRE-conscious tempts us with startling flavor contrasts, and exciting flutterings in our breasts. It moves the blood in all the false ways of well spoken rabble-rousers. It moves us like sex, like chocolate, like the forbidden fruit... it is danger contained in a convenient cardboard cup

I myself have never had much of a need for the java, being an insanely cheerful morning person, but the very mention of that bracing brew has me panting, slavering in a Pavlovian response. The sound of the grinder chewing through beans is beyond comforting, it brings to mind memories of my childhood, of lazy mornings when my mother, my father were softer, when life was simpler.

I love coffee.

I hate coffee. In fact I hate coffee so much that I am drinking a cuppa as we speak, or type, whatever. Maybe this is the only reason I am writing this morning, err afternoon, because it moves me to eloquence? Or at least attempts at such.