Sunday evening blues

I work tomorrow, isnt that sad? Eh I need the money, and no I dont like thinking about my imminent release from my current 40 hour week. You see I only have a certain amount of hours, 1,000 to be exact, that I can work where I am currently. But Im tired of the humdrum that is my job. I dislike working with the guy who has been hired to replace me, (oh dont get me wrong hes nice and all, but I have a raw nose now), Im tired of macho Mexicans who are all secretly cheating on their wives, and gosh it was fun for a while, but I am damned tired of ass-watching with those same macho Mexicans.

To be honest whats really bugging me right now, is I dont know what to do about lela. Hehe, I get secrete pleasure out of calling her that, being a mommy name :P But seriously lela's mother, aka mumsa, is very sick, and has been, on and off, for a good long while, and is currently in hospital with a high fever. Now anyone who reads lela's blog, hrm lets see if I can remember my html... Present Tense Imperfect, knows about her mother's health, but I get to see the family on a semi regular basis, I have seen mumsa spend all day sleeping, because she lacks the energy to get up off the couch.

Grr makes me grumpy. My adamantine apathy is crumbling under this onslaught. I seriously worry about how I will hold up as one of her bestest friends in the whole world, my words not hers, if the family collapses.

Okay I'll see yer fatalism lela, and raise you 50.

I have been making a warm soft fuzzy hat for mumsa, with my newfound crochetting skills, and today I made it to the end of my skein, (of course I need more yarn). Somebody said something beautiful once, maybe it was the Ba'ab, about creation being a sort of prayer. When I crochet, I try to think happy warm thoughts, you know to reinforce the innate warmth-giving power of said scarf or hat, but mostly I fail and end up wandering mentally all over, and I sometimes find myself falling into a bit of trance, just thinking no further than 'yarn-over, push through, yarn-over, pull through, yarn-over, pull through' and will 'wake up' hours later, with a cramp in my fingers and arm. Today I was a wreck. I couldnt think straight, thinking what will happen whens and what ifs, I lost track of my stiches, dropped some, added others, the poor hat is misshappen, hardly worthy of anyone's head. Im tempted to pull it all apart, and start over.

Undo all my negative thoughts.